|  Author | Topic: Clown Corner (Read 76 times) |
Sasoriza Flamerah
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Karma: 5 |  | Clown Corner
« Thread Started on Dec 30, 2007, 5:55am » | ![[Quote]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif) |
Well I know it's not really a game...but this is a post for posting (obviously for posting lol!) your favourite jokes. They can be slightly rude (not too rude please)...but just as long as hey crack us all up!
T.T.F.N
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.
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Alyss Romano
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« Reply #1 on Dec 30, 2007, 10:03am » | |
I love jokes! Here's one:
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”
I think was the voted the best joke one year! Cracks me up every time I hear it!  *still laughing*
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Nomti Crane
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Karma: 4 | | Re: Clown Corner
« Reply #2 on Dec 30, 2007, 10:39am » | |
This is a letter my friend received (though i'm not sure he was telling the truth) 
I received a letter from my grandmother last week. She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grandson,
The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people
Love Jesus!
Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ Go!"
What an exuberant Cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and I started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Margate back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach".
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked your cousin George in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Zulu good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Zululand, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. George burst out laughing... why, even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Zulu good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonders.
Love, Grandma
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Sasoriza Flamerah
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« Reply #3 on Dec 30, 2007, 11:33am » | |
*cracks up* That is something my Grandma would have done...and did do sooo many times! I have another joke to keep everyones spirits up.
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense''s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!" He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door." "Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but your client didn''t!"
My Dad's a lawyer so we are always using these jokes! Not the best one...but reasonably funny.
A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he''s in serious financial trouble. He''s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray"God, please help me, I''ve lost my business and if I don''t get some money, I''m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.Jacob goes back to the synagogue."God, please let me win the lotto, I''ve lost my business, my house and I''m going to lose my car as well".Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!Back to the synagogue."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I''ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don''t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won''t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself:"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A d**n TICKET"
This one made me laugh and my brother fall off his chair. I love religious jokes.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman''s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn''t graft the skin from her body, so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable would have to come from his rear end. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman''s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you d id for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Need I say more?
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Nomti Crane
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« Reply #4 on Dec 30, 2007, 12:23pm » | |
In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor.
"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. . . It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
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Sasoriza Flamerah
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Karma: 5 | | Re: Clown Corner
« Reply #5 on Jan 2, 2008, 6:47am » | |
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullnuts. I gotta go home and screw the cat."
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Nomti Crane
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Karma: 4 | | Re: Clown Corner
« Reply #6 on Jan 2, 2008, 5:14pm » | |
Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Paddy: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!
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